b-but i have met other girls. i have seen and talked to them in my life. i, i may be a guy who lives inside most of the time but in my work, and lately? Katelynn, i met Roxanne. Roxanne Ritchi. a-a woman i’ve admired for years and when i met her? a-all i could think about was what you were doing. i used to dream a-and hope that if i met that woman i could be something to her but i’m not even that.
i like you because you’re you. b-because you took the time to get to know me, to talk to me, y-you got me outside for the first time in months so easily. d-do you have any idea what my doctors would say if they knew this? they’d b-be wanting to give you an award for having me go out. b-before you the last time i went out was a month ago. a month, Katelynn.
now i’m out there, each day, b-because you showed me there is good out there. because you’re out there.
Roxanne Ritchie? She knew of her, having admired her as well for her beauty, poise, confidence. Jack had liked her but chosen herself instead? Where was this confidence in him coming from?
She tried to open her mouth, the words stuck on her tongue but she sniffled instead, unsure of herself. She had done the same comparison not even a hour ago, hadn’t she? Her feelings for Harrison Drake had been slowly fading, being pushed aside by the man holding her and she hadn’t even known it.
No wonder she had felt a pain in her chest when thinking of setting him up with girls.
“You’re really fine with me? Me?”
Why did she insist on making this hard? She liked Jack, she did. But was it a crush? She snuggled into him a bit, searching for the answer inside herself.
*and he pulled her closer to him, his arms still wrapped around her, wishing her shaking would stop. was he helping anything? was he ruining this wonderful friendship he’d made? if she only wanted to be his friend, if that was all she really wanted then he’d be fine with that… enough. his heart may break, he may suffer another rejection that would push him deep into his work again but… if it meant staying close to her, to still watch movie and go to cafes and walk Roxy out in the street with he he’d do it. he’d do anything*
y-yes. i am…
*but then the self doubt returned. like a tsunami wave crashing around him. he pulled back, only just, so he could see her face even if it was tear streaked*
…b-but a… are you all right w-with me like that? i’m… i’m not a genius. i’m not confident. i’m not rich. i’m… i’m almost thirty and the closest i’ve gotten with a girl is what i’m doing now, just holding you and.. you deserve so much better than me but… all i’ve got is to give you what i am.
that’s all.
Jack Maple 