will-never-be-a-swan:

wrapped-in-shadows:

He smiles weakly, and just nods his head, finding words now hard to process. He leans into her, though, shutting his eyes and mumbles as the hand on her stomach shifts to her side, just holding onto her.

What an odd place to have an emotional break down… Denny’s… but at least the people had been kind enough to leave them alone. If he had to explain himself, like this, right now…? He’d be a mess. A worse mess than before.

He thought of Gail, quietly, sitting here with Katelynn. Her little hands, how they’d grasped at his blue ones. How the doctors said she couldn’t really see, but he had sworn she could. She had smiled, but they called it gas. Pain. But she’d smiled at him so many times in those four days when he would be able to hold her, whilst his father would hold his mother instead. 

Jack wondered if, maybe, if this is a baby Katelynn has or in the far, distant future… if just maybe if it’s a girl they have, if they could name her Gail.

When the waitress finally came over, Katelynn smiled at her, ordering pancakes for Jack and some drinks for them. She still wasn’t hungry but perhaps she could share off his plate. She was probably eating for two after all.

She sat there, holding his hands and stroking them, still offering comfort and trying to show him without words that things were okay. That they’d get through this together. Somehow. Words didn’t need to be exchanged if he wasn’t ready to talk. She was content to simply be if it meant him being there with her as well.

The waitress returned, giving them their food and Katelynn smiled at him this time, urging him to eat softly.

It took him a while but soon Jack was using a fork to cut the pancakes, and taking small bites out of them. The food was good enough, not the best, but decent. He smiled at Katelynn with a wordless ‘thank you’ on his lips before taking a sip ofthe drink that the waitress had brought.

Katelynn already knew how he liked his tea. That made his heart swell.

His hand found hers again, and gently squeezed, and continued to silently eat. No matter what it was that life had in store for them now, they would face it together. Just as they said they would.

will-never-be-a-swan:

wrapped-in-shadows:

He shook his head pitifully, eyes shutting again. “Y-you’re n-n-not selfish K-Katelynn… y-you’re nothing e-e-even near s-selfish…” Jack forced his eyes open and drew back, looking at her with tear streaked cheeks and red eyes. “I’m n-not going to l-l-let you do this a-alone. I’m g-going to be here f-for you. I, I promised you that. I, I promise,” he actually reaches down and presses his hand against her stomach. “I-I promise…”

She reached up to caress his cheeks, using her thumb to rub away any streaks and clean up his face gently, feeling her heart flutter at his hand on her stomach. If there really was life growing in there, then hopefully someday their baby could feel their conviction and, dare she hoped, love.

“Shhh,” she said softly, smiling for him, hoping to calm his stutter. “It’s all right..It’s all right..” She leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before pulling back, fingers still caressing his face. “I know now..I know you won’t leave me…I’m so grateful to have you by my side…”

She hated to break up the moment but she didn’t want him to starve either so she picked up a menu and shared it with him. “But for now..let’s get you fed, okay?”

He smiles weakly, and just nods his head, finding words now hard to process. He leans into her, though, shutting his eyes and mumbles as the hand on her stomach shifts to her side, just holding onto her.

What an odd place to have an emotional break down… Denny’s… but at least the people had been kind enough to leave them alone. If he had to explain himself, like this, right now…? He’d be a mess. A worse mess than before.

He thought of Gail, quietly, sitting here with Katelynn. Her little hands, how they’d grasped at his blue ones. How the doctors said she couldn’t really see, but he had sworn she could. She had smiled, but they called it gas. Pain. But she’d smiled at him so many times in those four days when he would be able to hold her, whilst his father would hold his mother instead. 

Jack wondered if, maybe, if this is a baby Katelynn has or in the far, distant future… if just maybe if it’s a girl they have, if they could name her Gail.

will-never-be-a-swan:

wrapped-in-shadows:

“I want you a-always here. I k-k-know that’s, that’s asking s-so much but I j-just… c-can’t imagine w-without… y-you…” he whimpers, the tears still there, but at least they were subsiding slightly. Jack shook his head before reaching his arms around her, pulling her into him, and buried his face into the curve of where shoulder met neck. “I-I’m not g-going to le-leave you i-if you are p-pregnant, Katelynn… I-I’m going t-to look a-after you… a-and a baby i-if there is o-one…”

She nuzzled back against him, still trying to give him comfort and seek comfort. It didn’t even pop in her mind how a server hadn’t even come up to them, though they hadn’t because they noticed the sadness and tears and chose to give them privacy. The servers didn’t have it in their hearts to shoo them away if they were merely loitering.

Katelynn reached up, still wiping his tears away tenderly. “I..I’m sorry..I’ve been so selfish..so stupid earlier. It was petty…All I want to do is make you smile and I seem to do the opposite. But if there is a baby..I swear..I will take care of it..I will take care of myself..so you don’t suffer like that again..okay? Because I don’t want you to feel sadness because of me..I don’t..”

He shook his head pitifully, eyes shutting again. “Y-you’re n-n-not selfish K-Katelynn… y-you’re nothing e-e-even near s-selfish…” Jack forced his eyes open and drew back, looking at her with tear streaked cheeks and red eyes. “I’m n-not going to l-l-let you do this a-alone. I’m g-going to be here f-for you. I, I promised you that. I, I promise,” he actually reaches down and presses his hand against her stomach. “I-I promise…”

will-never-be-a-swan:

wrapped-in-shadows:

“D-d-don’t be s-s-sorry…” Jack stammers, “I-it’s… y-you’ve done s-so much for me w-w-with your love a-already…” he grabs at her shoulder, pulling her to him, and kisses her face despite how wet and tear stained his own is. “I j-just love you so-so much…”

“I-I love you too..” she whispered, tears staining her own face, having lost the battle within herself to stay strong. “I..I will always be here for you..for as long as you want me..o-okay..?”

She wasn’t even thinking about her own selfish fears; they had gone out the window. All she could think about was Jack and his pain. Bringing a hand up, she tried to wipe his tears away, kissed them away, being gentle and loving.

Would confessing this heal him? Would he ever be able to look back on his sister with love instead of tears? She had never suffered a loss such as this and didn’t know what it was like to lose someone you cared so much about. She didn’t know.

“I want you a-always here. I k-k-know that’s, that’s asking s-so much but I j-just… c-can’t imagine w-without… y-you…” he whimpers, the tears still there, but at least they were subsiding slightly. Jack shook his head before reaching his arms around her, pulling her into him, and buried his face into the curve of where shoulder met neck. “I-I’m not g-going to le-leave you i-if you are p-pregnant, Katelynn… I-I’m going t-to look a-after you… a-and a baby i-if there is o-one…”

will-never-be-a-swan:

“No,” she said firmly, still holding him, not wanting to let him go until she was sure he would be okay. “It’s okay to cry, love. It’s okay! I never knew..I never even imagined!” Her hand trembled against him a bit and she willed it to stop. “I can’t even imagine that sort of pain. Jack..I’m so sorry…! I wish I could do something for you but all I have is my love..that’s it..I’m sorry..!”

She rubbed at him softly; whatever comfort she could offer him at the moment. Anything to heal him.

“D-d-don’t be s-s-sorry…” Jack stammers, “I-it’s… y-you’ve done s-so much for me w-w-with your love a-already…” he grabs at her shoulder, pulling her to him, and kisses her face despite how wet and tear stained his own is. “I j-just love you so-so much…”

will-never-be-a-swan:

Katelynn bit her bottom lip, sensing his emotions for herself. She wasn’t sure how but she was. Her heart broke seeing him like this, her arms coming around his shoulders to bring him towards herself, hugging him gently and offering comfort the best way she knew how, rubbing his shoulders. She didn’t want to interrupt him, not even knowing what to say yet.

He pressed his head against hers, eyes still shut, his back now to everyone else in the restuarant and uncaring if people saw him like this. Jack shudders, trying to find his voice, trying to calm himself but nothings working. He focuses on the feeling of Katelynn, being so close, her arms around him. Her presence.

“H-h-her n-n-name wa-wa-was G-G-Gail… G-Gail Maple a-and s-s-she… s-she only… s-she died…. s-she was s-s-so small a-and sick an-and….” he loses his voice again as he presses his face into her, shoulders shaking, unable to help himself.

will-never-be-a-swan:

So her possible pregnancy was sparking a memory within him? She stayed quiet, merely rubbing his arm gently, offering any sort of comfort she could, feeling a sense of foreboding.

“We s-spent so long o-on a room f-for them. I wa-was going to be a b-big brother and l-look out for them a-and they’d b-be my b-best friend.” Jack said, face contorting into one of pain; he’d never spoken about this with anyone in his whole life. “B-but something w-went wrong. B-Bonnie g-g-got sick. S-so sick a-and.. a-and the baby was b-born too e-e-early.”

He digs his nails against his temple, bowing his head forward, shutting his eyes now.

“S-s-s-she was t-too small a-a-and…. a-and…”

will-never-be-a-swan:

Katelynn isn’t even looking at the menu at all, instead peering over at him, her body turned in his direction. There was enough noise going around in the restaurant for them not to be heard, especially considering how quiet Katelynn was.

She was terrified although her face showed concern for him. She was feeling that as well, both emotions fighting over in her heart. Gently, she laid a hand on his forearm. “Jack..talk to me..”

Jack looked at her hand on his forearm, then looks at her, eyes readable as ever. He chews at his bottom lip, before looking down at the menu as he lets it go, and brings his free hand up and rubs it at his eyes.

“…when. When I was eleven… m-my mother got pregnant… t-they thought they couldn’t b-but… sh-she got pregnant…” he started quietly. “W-we were all so ex-excited…”

will-never-be-a-swan:

wrapped-in-shadows:

“Denny’s? I.. I’ve never been.” he admits lamely, but smiles. For her. “First time f-for everything, huh?” Jack asks with a smile as they begin to walk down the street, his head still stuck in the past despite his best efforts.

She’d been so adorable. Dark skinned like his mother, with brown eyes. But there’d been problems with the pregnancy; Bonnie had gotten sick, and the baby hadn’t helped. She had been born too early, too small, too sick, and even with all the money that his father had paid, thrown at the doctors, the little girl passed away only after being alive for four days.

Jack’s only sibling had been cremated, her ashes scattered out in the field besides their house so she would always ‘be on the wind’.

He did his best but his bottom lip shook. He hadn’t been to the field in years. Why hadn’t he? Jack looks at Katelynn, smiling faintly. “Do they serve p-pancakes?” he asks.

His eyes were so easy to read, noticing the tilt of his lips that concern grew inside of her. She couldn’t wait to ask him after all, wishing to wipe the sad emotions from his face. Were the emotions inside of him over this finally cracking? Was he realizing how scary this was and that he wanted out? Her heart dropped into her stomach at the thought.

“Yeah..they do..as many as you want…” she answered. It wasn’t the place to talk about things. She wanted to wait until they were sitting, away from prying eyes. She hoped it wasn’t too busy.

She looked off, seeing it in the distance.

He nods his head and goes quiet, again trying to push the ugly memories away. But were they really ugly? Jack had been eleven years old. He’d been looking forward to getting a baby brother or sister, somebody who wouldn’t pick on him. He’d look out for them, be their best friend.

At least he’d held her in his arms.

It isn’t long until they find a Denny’s and find a booth to sit at, sitting next to each other rather then across from each other. Jack isn’t really looking at the menu since he just wants pancakes, even with his head being the mess it was.